When you're a parent....

Well, in typical fashion, it's been about a year since my last post.  This morning, I had the urge to write about the thoughts that have kept me awake since 5:00am-on a Saturday!  I have only been a parent for 6 years so these are by no means words of wisdom, but rather observations or reflections.

When you are a parent-movies take on a whole new meaning.  As you know, I love movies, films.  Jordan and I both appreciate the art and the skill that is involved in producing a movie.  So maybe this is why they are on my mind today.  Movies that I have re watched since becoming a parent pull at my heart in different ways, in almost a deeper way?  I'm not sure how to explain it now...it is still early.

For example, Dumbo.  Before becoming a parent, this movie was a cute story about a baby elephant that learns to fly.  I remember watching it and thinking how sweet the characters were, and I loved Dumbo's friendship with the mouse.  The mouse helps Dumbo when he is separated from his mother, and gives Dumbo the courage he needs to show everyone he can truly be a circus performer! When this happens, he becomes famous and is reunited with his mother.  No tears, ever!

Now, as a parent, watching Dumbo goes something like this.."Oh! Those elephants/people are so mean to Dumbo! They are bullying him!  Gosh I hope Shadow and Lincoln are never bullied(or become bullies)-my heart would ache for them so bad!"  "Oh, no! Don't take his mother away! She was only trying to protect him from you nasty elephants/people." "Oh, Dumbo is so sad! I would die if I had to be permanently separated from my children.  How would they go on without me?!?!"  Oh Lord, she can't see Dumbo but she can feel him! She can sing him a lullaby while he sits and cuddles with her trunk.  Oh this song, "Baby of mine!" I can't stand it...my children are precious to me too! "C'mon Dumbo, you can do this! You CAN fly!  Believe in yourself!  I hope I can always encourage Shadow and Lincoln to do be their best selves."  "Finally! Mommy is with her baby again!"  Sob, Sob, Sob.

Okay, a little dramatic but it's true.  That movie hits me right in the gut every time.  Another example would be Spencer's Mountain.  For those that haven't seen it, go rent it.  It stars Henry Fonda and Maureen O'Hara.  The Spencer's live on a mountain, and have for generations.  They have several kids, and their oldest, Clay Boy, is the brightest, most accomplished student in his graduating class.  He wants to go to college, but money it tight because the family is working on building a dream home up on the mountain, his father becomes injured and can't work for a while, and there are several mouths to feed.

Before I was a parent, I enjoyed watching older movies, and this was one of them.  I like to be taken back to simpler times.  I love how the Spencer's were proud of their family, how they worked hard, how Mrs. Spencer wanted the children to go to church, and how Clay Boy never lost sight of his ambition to go to college.  I was sad when it looked like he wouldn't be able to go because his family couldn't afford it.  But, things turn around and Clay Boy gets to go to the university and it's a happy ending.

Now, as a parent, I watch this movie and cry, cry, cry, because I put myself in place of Mr.and Mrs. Spencer.  What if one of my boys wants to go to a great college, gets accepted, is top of his class, but we can't afford it?  I would be heartbroken for both of them.  I'd feel like I had failed them somehow. I watch the movie and see how hard the Spencers work to come up with the funds to send Clay Boy to the university and I think to myself, "I would do the same! I would try everything to give my boys their best opportunities in this world!" His father actually drives to the university and talks to the dean and asks how his boy can get there. The towns people help him learn Latin so he can meet all requirements, and his sweet Grandpa left him his rainy day fund of $30 to help.  When Mr. Spencer finally sees that the home they live in is enough ( I don't want to spoil it too bad), he does something drastic that allows the family to afford Clay Boy's tuition and fees. And Clay Boy is so grateful, he just can't believe it.  And I sob and sob because I want to be that person for my boys.  A parent that goes to any length to give my boys happiness, but also to raise them in a way where they will never take their opportunities for granted. Plus there is the scene where the family says good-bye to Clay Boy when he leaves for college.  Don't even want to go there.

While my boys are still young, they won't be for long. Shadow is six, and Lincoln turned one last week.  Like most of you with your children, it seems just like yesterday that they came into this world.  I'm so blessed that God chose me to be their mommy, and it is very hard for me to comprehend that as much I love my boys, God loves them more.

I realize that that are more movies in my future that will turn me into a pile of tears when they didn't before, but that's alright,  I wouldn't go back.


(Oh! Timothy is the mouse in Dumbo.)